Jul 04, 2020

Don’t take it personally when people don’t text you back

When someone doesn’t text back, it can be hard to determine whether or not it’s intentional. But either way, a lack of a response shouldn’t drain you of your self esteem.

I tend to feel hurt when people forget to respond to my text messages – even though it’s usually an honest mistake.

My first instinct is to assume that I did something wrong. I start having thoughts like ‘I guess I’m not that great’ or ‘do they even like me?’ At times, I reread the texts I send and critique myself. I’ve had anxiety attacks after glancing at read receipts and seeing that the other person opened my text message. This is unhealthy behavior.

I’m not a bad person. I have friends who like me for who I am. Even if they forget to respond, I should feel assured that they still like me.

Sometimes, people forget. But what if they didn’t forget and the lack of a response is intentional? This happens, too. I’ve heard a lot about ghosting – when someone purposely ignores a person’s texts, often in hopes that the person will stop sending texts altogether. It’s common amongst two people who aren’t quite in a romantic relationship, but have a romantic standing with each other.

I understand that when it’s deliberate – when you can’t chalk it up to an honest mistake – it’s hard not to feel upset. But I still don’t think you should take ghosting personally.

Ghosting is unkind, but it’s a relatively easy way to get rid of someone. Are you being ghosted because you’re an awful person? Maybe. Are you being ghosted because the other person doesn’t like you? Maybe.

But life is complicated and sometimes, there aren’t simple explanations for why things happen. Sure, someone might have ghosted you because they didn’t like you. But that doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. That person didn’t like you, but someone else might. Like I mentioned previously, I have friends who appreciate me. But I also know that other people don’t – and that’s fine.


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