Fresno isn’t Hollywood

Even if you don’t know them by name, spotting a douche bag in north Fresno isn’t a rare occurrence.

In fact, it’s quite ordinary. I’d be shocked to see one outside the two-mile radius of Champlain and Perrin.

What is it about north Fresno that attracts the 30-year-old, Affliction-wearing crowd? Maybe, it’s the multiple gyms, tanning salons or dry cleaners. Maybe it’s the handful of bars. Or maybe it’s the girls who purchased breast implants straight out of high school that party there.

If the men who frequent bars like The Standard would retire the diamond-studded skull-and-crossbone number, they could realize that Fresno isn’t Hollywood. It’s highly unlikely they ever will unless it’s posted on Facebook.

With the number of locals who have been cast on reality TV, it’s surprising that VH1 has yet to hold a Tool Academy audition in Fresno. It would be ideal — Fall Fling alone will have boxes full of tools. But, then again, if tools are your type, then it’s time to R.S.V.P.

Fall Fling Unplugged 2010 will take place Saturday, Sept. 25. The outdoor party will provide food and cocktails from local restaurants as well as live entertainment.

Why meet locals with the same interests online, when locals with the same interests can sexually harass you in person?

A portion of the proceeds will go to the Resource Center for Survivors, a local advocacy agency. However, it’s just an excuse to get drunk in the courtyard of the Piazza Del Fiore Shopping Center, conveniently located on the southeast corner of Champlain and Perrin. Go figure. But if that’s what it takes for douche bags to donate money toward healing the survivors of sexual assault and family violence, then party on.

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