You read The Collegianâ€™s editorial on Friday right? If not, you better go ahead and do it.
Now that you have, you know one interesting way in which being unselfish (paying attention to local issues) can help you be more selfish in the end (by having more money in your pocket and getting treated better).
My fellow Fresnans, allow me now to provide you with another.
I know what your favorite thing to read is â€“ text messages. Theyâ€™re my favorite too, not because they provide a great read, but because whoever wrote it was thinking about me and giving me attention by sending it.
There is nothing wrong with this (just donâ€™t do it in the car) but you can get another unselfishly selfish kick by reading (drum roll please), your local newspaper.
â€œOh no. Not that! What is this, Reading Rainbow?â€
Hang on, donâ€™t click on those more entertaining links just yet. Letâ€™s look at some of the recent headlines from our own Fresno Bee.
Cops: Son traded dadâ€™s Lincoln for crack
This story isnâ€™t funny people. Itâ€™s hilarious! Apparently Fresno has started a new economic incentive program, itâ€™s called â€œCrack for Clunkersâ€.
Did you read about the Alphonso Bigelow story over the summer? This is another one that could only happen here. The guy pledges 10 million to the athletic department. They have a press conference and make specialized â€œBigelowâ€ jerseys and make a huge deal and then, whoops!, it turns out the guy is broke.
Hereâ€™s a great feature, the Fresno Bee crime map where you can type in any address and see the last 50 reported crimes in the area, complete with color-coded descriptions of the crime.
Or how about the Bulldog gang member who tattooed his 7-year-old son?
The point? Even if you donâ€™t find these stories as hilarious as I do, you can at least feel good about yourself as you read them.
Maybe you failed a test yesterday, but you didnâ€™t sell your car for crack!
You got dumped over the weekend, but you didnâ€™t tell the school youâ€™d give them 10 million dollars even though youâ€™re broke!
Maybe you canâ€™t afford to give your kid the nicest clothes, but dadgum it, you didnâ€™t tattoo a paw on his belly against his will!
So support your local media. They need the web hits, and you need a nice shot of schadenfreude.