April-foolin’ challenge

Welcome to the official, The Upper Upper Deck April 1 Challenge ’09!

Here’s how the contest works: choose from any of the following statements to tell to your roommate/best friend/significant other when you see them today. Then run with it and see how long you can last before they say, “What you talkin’ ’bout!?” (Bonus points are awarded if the person has already read The Collegian and still falls for it.)

Whoever can keep their lie going the longest will be declared “The next Sean Hannity.” Subsequently, the person who believes the lie the longest will be deemed, “Someone who probably listens to Sean Hannity.”

Here are your options:

•“Dude! Some guy got squashed by the moving shelves in the library! He died in between the ‘id’ and the ‘iot’ sections.”

•“So get this, there were no homicides in Fresno yesterday. Try me.”

•“Holy crap! Pat Hill just shaved his mustache! It’s on the front page of the freaking Fresno Bee!”

•“Dude check out ESPN.com. They caught (insert athlete’s name) using steroids, and he didn’t even lie about it!”

•“OMG. Tim Tebow circumcised a bunch of little boys in the Philippines last year!” (Whoops! Sorry, that one’s true.)

•“No lie, I got up this morning and didn’t check Facebook, MySpace or Twitter before coming to class.”
•“Have you heard? Fresno State just won a gender discrimination lawsuit!”

•“I just sat in a real wooden chair at the library. I swear!”

•“You’ll never believe this, but I know the lyrics to the Fresno State fight song. It starts out…”

•“ So Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill yesterday that will actually help the Central San Joaquin Valley. Isn’t that great?”

•“Have you heard that new Kanye West song, the one where he raps?”

•“Have you heard the new Lil’ Wayne hard rock song?” (Whoops, that one’s true too.)

•“20th Century Fox released a report yesterday saying that, due to the bad economy, they aren’t going to release any crappy comic book movies next summer. Thank God!”

•“I had a class at 10 a.m. today and got to park in the Q lot! Whodathunkit!?”

•“Obama just took bail out money from some millionaire executives and is going to give it to poor college students. I can afford tuition now!”

•“I heard on the radio this morning that someone is planning on opening a bar within walking distance of the apartments next to Fresno State. That makes so much sense!”

Good luck to all. The Campus-wide champion will receive a free gift certificate to the school store and a guest column in next Wednesday’s edition of The Collegian titled “The Regular Upper Deck.”

Gotcha!

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