Highs and lows at the Fresno Fair

THE BIG FRESNO Fair is a sight to behold every year.

Last week I had the opportunity to visit the fair after many years of absence. I was excited to buy a corndog, lemonade and one of the famous cinnamon rolls (which I wouldn’t suggest for those suffering from high cholesterol or heart problems).

To begin with, the Fresno Fair is far different from its country cousins.

The Caruthers Fair, for example, has a certain pastoral charm. The local church in Caruthers still sells pies made from the same recipe it was using when my grandfather was taking girls to the fair on dates back in the 1930s.

The Fresno Fair has some of this charm, but it also has the element of “oh-god-I-hope-I-don’t-get-shot” appeal.

And, to its credit, the Fresno Police force has evidently decided to deploy a large portion of its officers to patrolling the event this year.

It’s always heart-warming to see the MAGEC team, Fresno’s gang task force strolling by the Ferris wheel.

Getting to the fair, as always, is an experience in itself.

Parking is a nightmare — and probably the most expensive investment you’ll make in your entire afternoon.

Driving the perimeter of the fairgrounds gives you the opportunity to witness the wonders of free-market capitalism as private citizens offer you parking in their yards for the small fee of $5-$10.

Simply going to the fair in the first place reveals a side of Fresno that those of us who generally stay north of Shaw never see.

As one commentator on this page has put it previously, there are very much “two Fresnos.”

Reflecting on this fact while searching for parking is a doubly depressing way to start the evening.

However, once one enters the gates of the fair, all this is swept from sight.

The fair is a spectacle to behold, with its shimmering lights, toothless booth operators and a myriad of eateries.

The section of the fair with the carnival-style rides and game booths is almost a sensory overload. The flashing lights seem enough to give small children seizures.

The fair is also a great place to buy things of all shapes and sizes.

One can seemingly find everything there, from Rastafarian beanies to cowboy hats to obscenely large racks of ribs and cheap domestic beer by the plastic cup.

The exhibition halls are also a sight to behold.

Virtually anything you can imagine is on display, including locally produced paintings and photographs as well as the famous livestock displays.

On that same note, I highly recommend checking out the poultry exhibit. Some of the chickens in it have some pretty crazy feather stylings.

One could spend an entire afternoon with the animals at the fair, but that would be a mistake. The best way to spend the day, I think, would be to buy a huge rack of ribs and eat them in the beer garden.

Then I’d check myself into the hospital for cholesterol overload and possible cardiac arrest.

However, as this was my first visit to the fair in some time, I felt an obligation to explore it entirely while saving my sedentary afternoon of gluttony for another time.

In one exhibit hall I encountered the ever-present political party booths.

The Democratic Party is several rows away from the Republicans, with a toymaker selling dancing puppets and a window company among the booths separating the two.

Judging from each booth’s attendants, Fresno’s Democratic Party consists of older men who like to wear leather jackets and cowboy boots while the Republicans are a bunch of matronly-looking older women that you half expect to offer you an apple pie as you walk by.

Perhaps to further this image, the Republicans’ booth this year features a banner reading, “Join the Republican Family.”

This confused me when I first saw it. My initial reaction was that I wasn’t sure how a family could be run on republican principles. Were the booth’s sponsors advocating a family structure based upon popular representation? Should I be reforming my extended family so we elect representatives that will later meet at a Family Assembly to make important decisions, like where the next reunion will be held?

After overcoming my initial bewilderment I realized that I was in fact being asked to file a voter

registration card that would somehow gain me entrance to a large family of my fellow party members.

This creeped me out, at least partially because I don’t want to go to family meetings with Dick Cheney.

I am curious, however, about how this “Republican Family” functions. Are there huge family meals that you have to show your voter registration card at the door to enter? Will I get an allowance from the family’s patriarch if I join?

There were many unanswered questions and a general feeling of unease from this encounter.

Perhaps to assuage my angst I immediately purchased a corndog and consumed it while walking through some sort of plant exhibit.

The remainder of my visit was fairly uneventful, though I did see some women dressed in what appeared to be 19th century clothing, complete with a dainty hat, going onto the “Zombie” ride. I found that slightly strange.

As I left the fair, I reflected on all that I had seen. And I vowed to return, if only to try to get some apple pie from the nice old Republican ladies.

Comment on this story in the Opinion forum >>