Thoughts from the doghouse returns
You know when you're in class, your mind starts to wander and you come
up with weird thoughts like, “Hey, didn't these two jerks say they weren't
going to write this crap anymore?” Well we decided to write them
- We're back. You're probably wondering why. I know Ryan
and I said we weren't going to do this anymore, but there was still
a desire to write stupid comments. What can I say, we love to
write this column. (Ryan: “Alberto's lying. He's
an attention whore. Always has been, always will be.”)
You're probably also wondering, didn't you graduate? Yes, that
is true. While I love my job, there's nothing more satisfying
than making lame jokes about Britney Spears, drinking, and Latin Majors.
- When I wrote to The Collegian announcing Alberto and I were coming
back, their response was, “Who the F are you guys?” After 50
e-mails and countless hours of begging, The Collegian reluctantly took
us back. We would've been back sooner, but I had a hard time
waking Alberto from his drunken stupor.
- Ah, the MTV VMA's. At the beginning of the show, Will Smith
said, “Miami's given so much to me. Now it's time for me to give
something back.” Then he brought out Shaq in a Heat jersey.
If Will Smith really wanted to give something back, how about refunding
everyone who had to sit through “Wild Wild West?”
- Mr. JLo…err, Marc Anthony, was also at the VMA's. We're still
arguing about whether he looks more like Skeletor or a reject from the
- Alberto's Thoughts On The MTV VMA's: Jon Stewart's little skits were
almost as bad as Hoobastank's performance. I'm a fan of Jon Stewart
and he let me down. He tried desperately to be funny but failed
miserably. (Ryan: “Hey, now he knows how you feel.”)
- Alberto's Thoughts on Rap Lyrics: I love rap music but some lyrics
make you scratch your head and say “What the hell?” Take Lil'
Flip's “Sunshine” for example. He says, “I'll treat you like
milk/I'll do nothing but spoil you.” I just have one question:
What kind of an idiot purposely spoils milk?!
- Surefire signs you might've had too much to drink: If you ever go
to a Grizzlies game and start picking a fight with a 7-year-old, you
might've had too much to drink. (Alberto: “Don't look at me.
He started it.”)
- Ryan's Fantasy Football Advice: Fellas, whatever you do, don't draft
or pick up Emmitt Smith. He's kind of like that old pair of shoes
you keep in the back of your closet. They're mainly there just
for the memories, but you know you'll never use them again. As
much as you like those shoes, no amount of shoe goo is going to repair
the damage that's been done. (Alberto: “What the hell are you
talking about? Are you off your meds again?”)
- This semester we'd like to hear from you, our devoted reader(s). We
set up an e-mail account so if you have a funny topic you'd like to
discuss, a great random thought of your own, or just general hate mail,
send them to email@example.com.
For the love of God, someone please write to us. We're desperate for