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Image Courtesy: Maurizio Pesce

Stop trying to make fetch happen

By: Jenna Wilson
@fsjennawilson

We’d all be lying if we said we didn’t check out the filters on Snapchat on the daily. In just the last year, Snapchat has added many different options for us to seize the self-involved opportunity to snap a selfie from geofilters indicating that we are in Timbuktu to face scans making us look and sound like cute little foxes.

“What does the fox say?” This fox says that these filters are furthering the idea of basicness, specifically applying to female dogs.

Don’t get me wrong, these filters make me look #flawless and the flower crown one is straight fire, but if I had a dime for every girl who snapped, posted, shared or set her profile picture as the terribly basic dog filter, I’d have enough money to pay off my student loans.

The dog filter is as stale as Yik Yak. With that being said, here are the top five reasons why the overrated and overused filter needs to go.

  1. Real dogs are cuter than you and your friends: I’m sorry, I said it. I will always choose a corgi over you, no matter how advanced you are in your basicness. Eyeliner on point? My dog has eyebrows. Perfect smile to smirk ratio? My dog tilts her head back and forth. Hair on point? But do you get groomed at PetSmart? Didn’t think so. You’re too much drama for me, and my dog is perfect. Bye, Felicia.
  2. Everyone is tired of watching you stick your tongue out: Hold your finger on the screen. Scan your face. Directions state “open your mouth.” Upon following the directions, this will trigger the “dog” to stick its tongue out. Thus, you do not have to stick your own out. Don’t keep lapping the air and whine about why it isn’t working. It’s not working because you can’t follow directions. Typical. Expected.
  3. Your life is not “ruff”: Oh no, you failed your math test because you didn’t study because you were too busy snapping all night. Poor you. Your life is literally the worst. What with your smartphone and all. Woe is you. Sad dog snap. Just to let you know dogs are rarely a species that gets sad and that’s what makes them great. Stop looking for validation and stop searching for pity, Gretchen. Stop trying to make it happen. It’s not going to happen.
  4. Act like a basic, get treated like one: I’m sure like most people, you do not like to be called the derogatory term for a female dog. So why are you emulating one? As humans, we pride ourselves on being able to walk on two legs, the possession of our opposable thumbs and the ability to feel a variety of emotions. Act like it. Act like a human with a variety of complex emotions, rather than the surface-level unoriginal basicness you are fulfilling by choosing to wave your head back and forth like you truly don’t understand what is happening in the world. Act basic, receive basic treatment. Up your pH level.
  5. It covers up your natural beauty: Yes, it’s true. You don’t need filters to boost your self-esteem. You are naturally beautiful, but I think the reason why so many people –  including myself – are attracted to this filter is because it covers up one of the most commonly hated physical features: the nose. Too pointy, too big, too long, too wide. Fortunately for us though, the people we have as friends on Snapchat already know what we look like, and they seem to be ok with it. Of course the filter is fun, but you don’t need it to feel worthy.