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How to become your barista’s BFF

I know what you’re all thinking: “I am the ideal Starbucks customer. There’s no way my barista passive aggressively hates me!”

And to some extent, you could very well be right. You could be the dreamiest customer on the planet. But I guarantee that even you, dear reader, do things that are considerably annoying to even the most pleasant and genuinely wonderful barista on the planet. Here are some simple steps you can follow to truly be the ideal customer every barista loves.

#1: GET. OFF. THE PHONE.

I get it. I too love Selena Gomez’s Instagram. I too lament over the hilarity of Anna Kendrick’s tweets. I too passive aggressively scroll through my Facebook timeline over the fact that my high school best friend’s sister-in-law had yet another baby.

All of that being said, it is my biggest pet peeve as a barista when, while trying to take someone’s order, my customer is responding to a text or even worse, having a full-on phone conversation.

Unless your great-aunt Myrtle is in the hospital, your wife’s water just broke or Drake released a new album, there is zero reason why a phone call is more important than a 20-second transaction with another human being. Simple respect is all we ask.

#2: We know you didn’t actually ask for your drink iced.

For some reason, it is a common misconception amongst those who don’t work at Starbucks that baristas taking orders at the drive-thru box don’t have working ears.

However, for the sake of accountability and our pride, normally three or four baristas have headsets on at a time. That means that when you pull up to the window, wince at your tall hot white mocha and say that it was supposed to be iced or in blended form, not only one, but four of us know you’re a bold-faced liar.

The truth at hand is that we are baristas, not monsters, and will fully understand human fallibility. If you get to the window and simply ask that a drink be made iced, we will more than likely understand and get you the drink you want.

#3: Manage your time like a real human.

This morning, all I wanted was an iced coffee. However, because I’m a hot mess, I left my apartment later than expected. Already running late for my 8 a.m. communications class, I drove by the Starbucks near campus, peered into the drive-thru and noticed the line of cars coiling around the building. It was at that moment that I decided to turn around and head to school, knowing that had I gotten in line, I definitely would have been late and it would be no one’s fault but my own.

The no. 1 thing you can do to make your barista develop a distaste towards you is to get to the window or the front of in-store queue and complain that the wait was so long that you’re now going to be late to work/dropping your kid off to school/participating in the new Olympic event of professional whining. We get it. You’re busy. You’ve got places to be. But we’re all working as hard and as quickly as we can. I promise we aren’t conspiring against you, we’re just slammed because for some reason all anyone wants these days is a S’mores Frappuccino.

At the end of the day, what’s most important is a mutual respect.

Those are three easy tips for how not to annoy the normally enchanting coffee wenches making your delicious beverages. Follow these steps, and I guarantee that the cutie making your coffee will only say good things about you while drinking after a Saturday night close with her fellow barista brethren.