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Will, left, and Lia MacDonald search for the revealing Facebook messages that Will received from someone claiming to be Lia's friend Jenna, at their home in Los Gatos, Calif., Aug. 24, 2013. (LiPo Ching/Bay Area News Group/TNS)

The Worst of Facebook

Lately there has been a decline in Facebook users. It can be said that the reason for this is the rise of stupid people abusing the social platform. So here is a compiled list of idiotic things people do and say that make other people leave Facebook.

  1. People who post song lyrics – some kind of phrase like, “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag floating through the wind?” There seems to be two qualifiers for the kinds of lyrics people are posting. The first one is that the song must be depressing. It must have that ambiguous tone that will confuse your Facebook friends with your cryptic behavior. The second qualifier is that no one else will have ever listened to this song. It’s some tiny indie band that your friends wouldn’t know and probably wouldn’t even get. The lyrics are usually cryptic enough that one of your friends caves and asks, “What is wrong?” and said song poster responds with, “Nothing, it is just a song.” Stop that. We have stopped caring about your emotionally devastating bad day that you won’t even talk to us about. Go eat a candy bar and watch “Titanic.” You’ll get over it.
  1. “You know who you are” is the most annoying phrase attached to any status ever posted. No, we do not know who is annoying you today. So we are all going to take it personally or completely ignore you. Essentially, what you just said became totally irrelevant to everyone on your Facebook. So go away.
  1. People who post “I’m bored. What’s good?” or some variation of comment on their lack of inaction and dull lives while seeking the attention and adventure that others experience. Now that you have posted this, you will not be invited anywhere because you are a square and we all know it.
  1. Unfounded and unsourced politically charged commentaries are a favorite of the Facebook world. Get off Facebook, Grandpa. You don’t look cute when you accuse “the illegals” of taking your retirement money. But ‘Murica, right?
  1. If you only post selfies and your timeline is a continuous stream of narcissism, you will be erased. We don’t care that you think that you are cute. What we are able to see, though, is how often you wear the same clothes. And believe me, we are checking, you sick freak. Change your flannel.  
  1. The joint Facebookers. When a couple decides to synch up their accounts, you know there is drama. Time to go stalk their old posts and figure out who cheated on whom. Actually, these people can stay. It is entertaining to watch the one person who actually controls the account speak for both parties. Why do Matt and Amber’s joint account keep liking all of these inspirational memes about loyalty and honesty?  
  1. Stop inviting us to things. You know we aren’t going to your mother-in-law’s nephew’s daughter’s quinceañera tomorrow. If we do happen to come, there’d better be an open bar to compensate for all the trouble we went to to find something worth regifting.

Social media has given rise to some wonderful trends. These are not those. Do better, Facebookers.