May 22, 2019
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ARE THEY ‘80s REALLY BACK?

The AIDS pandemic, the beginning of the Iran-Iraq War, the Chrysler Lebaron, cocaine, famine in Ethiopia, headbands, assassinations, acid-wash jeans, Mount St. Helens erupted and mullets were in — Oh, the 80’s.

Undoubtedly it was a memorable decade, but one that I, for the most part, would rather erase from my memory. Really, what was going on in western society in those days? Maybe it was just a peace-loving-LSD hangover.

It’s easy to go through a timeline of any decade and create a laundry list of tragedies, and the same can be said in our current time.

Although there were some particularly heartbreaking events, I would rather discuss the more lighthearted aspects.

Now there seems to be a minor ‘80s fashion flashback among teens. The interesting thing is that these teens weren’t around during that time. Well I was, so let me clear something up for them. The ‘80s sucked!

I’m hope teens don’t feel as if they missed out during the ‘80s and are trying to relive a portion of it. Please don’t take the ‘80s flashback any further. Consider yourself lucky that you missed it.

When I think about the ‘80s, I remember aerobics instructors in leg warmers, spandex, headbands, big hair and too much makeup. Or was that the male rock bands? Oh that’s right, it was both.

Then in the late ‘80s there was the parachute pants crowd that preferred a perfectly square flat top with three lines etched in the side of their head and a leather jacket. Then again that crowd was ready for “Hammer Time” in 1990.

Far be it from me to offer advice on current fashion. I’ll always be happy with a good pair of jeans and boots, but if parachute pants make a comeback, then I might have to push somebody out of a plane just to see if they work.

Not only was there an identity crisis in fashion, but also in the automobile industry. As a big fan of automobiles, I consider the ‘80s one of the darkest times in the last century.

It’s not really possible to look cool driving a 1984 Chrysler Lebaron. Or compare the 1984 Corvette that produced a measly 250 horsepower as compared to the 1970 model that produced over 400.

Cars were the size of battleships, horrifically ugly, poorly manufactured and underpowered. On the bright side, there is now an endless supply of demolition-derby cars at scrap yards.

In short the decade was bland and boring in some areas, yet bright, flashy and repulsive in others. The flashback has gone far enough with the sunglasses, T-shirts and jewelry. Let’s stop before it gets ridiculous.

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