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Elfing yourself

So your aunt did it to you last year with all your cousins. Elf that. This year it’s your turn. Fill your North Pole with models, Hollywood stars, Coach Hill and your favorite author. Indulge yourself. You’ve been a good boy this year.

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14-52

We lost, but at least it was to a ranked, er, well at least it wasn’t a blowou, er, well at least we didn’t lose our leading rush, er, um, yeah.

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New Moon

Don’t pretend. It’s marked on your calendar. You’ve been waiting for it since last December. You’ve read all the books. Twice. It’s OK, just tell your friends you’re going to see some crappy other movie like…

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The Blind Side

A rich white woman rescues a poor black kid from the ghetto. How touching! Oh wait, he’s freakishly huge and she recruits him to play football at her alma mater and then later he goes to the NFL and makes millions of dollars for the family? We would never type in all caps but…

WHAT A FRAUD!

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Give a Gobbler Drive

Please donate $25 to purchase a turkey for the poor. They need it more than your beer gut does.

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The Beatles

Come on guys, The Beatles changed music forever!… By being the first band ever to have a whole ton of generic-sounding songs about wanting to hold hands and needing help that everyone in the world sort of likes or at least can tolerate. Without them we’d never have Hootie and the Blowfish or Coldplay. And then where would we be?!