Mar 23, 2019

You want me to ‘ask her?’

As I walked around campus this week I noticed something strange in the Free Speech Area. Scribbled innumerable times on the ground were the words “Ask Her.”

The words appeared so many times that it was a little scary. It conjured up a mental image of some crazed lunatic writing them alone at all hours of the night, the elevator no longer reaching the top floor.

I wasn’t able to find the source of the campaign or get any other information about it, so I’ll have to assume it was a Valentine’s Day public service announcement for the shy guys walking around campus.

I applaud the effort, but it’s not that simple.

I’ll admit it: I’m single, and I’ve got the gallon of ice cream to prove it. But it’s just not that simple.

First off, it’s not always a flock of butterflies in your stomach that keeps you from asking. Sometimes you’re afraid to be a victim of your own success. What if she likes you too much? What if she gets clingy?

Then there’s the whole proximity problem. Not everyone has a convenient “her” batting eyes at us and grinding sidewalk chalk at night.

Furthermore, it’s not always the heart that is the problem. Sometimes other parts cause problems — namely, your wallet.

Half the people in college have trouble feeding themselves, much less going out to some fancy restaurant. I don’t care how many times I see “Ask Her” on my way to class, I still don’t like my chances if the question is, “Hey, would you like to go out for the dollar menu and a bootleg movie? I got some Natty Light!”

Again, even as a fan of the “Ask Her” campaign, I don’t quite understand it. For all the time, sweat and money spent on this, couldn’t you have done something a little less creepy to get yourself asked out? It’s 2009; why couldn’t you just ask him?

Unfortunately, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to communication problems between women and men. I couldn’t help but notice this the last time I turned on the radio.

Some readers may remember an old song by Babyface titled “Two Occasions.” It’s a classic love song. In the chorus, Babyface croons what every woman fantasizes about: “Ooh girl, I think of you on two occasions. That’s day, and night.” How romantic.

An update of the song by Plies is now getting spins on local hip-hop stations. It features Ashanti, who sings the chorus. In it she croons, with the exact same melody as the Babyface song, only this time saying what every man fantasizes about: “Ooh boy, I think of you on two occasions. That’s when I want it, and that’s when I need it.”

So there you have it. Women want 24 hours, men want 24 minutes. No wonder people are drawing on the sidewalk: they can’t handle it anymore!

In any case, happy Valentine’s Day.

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