Nobody here plays Scrabble, it seems, aside from me.

Last week, marked the achievement of a personal goal I set for myself some months ago — I broke a score of 400 in a two-player game.

Enthusiastic, I told some of my colleagues here.

“Joanne!” I called to The Collegian’s News editor, “I broke 400 in Scrabble last night!”

Most people would respond with words, but what came from Joanne was pure apathy. Because I did not write her response down, I will paraphrase as best I can.

“The number of things I can hear and absorb is finite — you just wasted one of them.”

It was like that, except with her eyes.

Not to be deterred, I turned to Editor-in-chief Jessica Szalay for support. She wasn’t much better.

“I think I’ve played maybe two games of Scrabble in my life.”

And then, as if to save me from an even deeper depression, a deus ex machina: faculty adviser, Jefferson Beavers, strolled into the office. He’s usually on my side.

“Hey! I finished a game of Scrabble with a score of 441 last night!”

I will take this opportunity to remind you of the standardized tests we were forced to slog through as younger students. I remember the math questions in particular, which often featured boxes filled with alternating patterns and shapes:

37. Square, Pentagon, Hexagon, Septagon, ________.

a. lexicon
b. Chexagon
c. T. Rexagon
d. I know the answer, and it isn’t listed, but it’s whatever a stop sign is.

That’s right, a stop sign.

Stop, and consider the pattern in place. What do you think Mr. Beavers said?

****

Scrabble words every serious player should know include: ja, jo, joe, joes, qi, qis, qat, qats, ax, axe, axes, ex, ox, oxes, oxen, za, zag, zags, zap, zas, zax, zo, zoa, zoo, zoos, mzee muzjiks. Cheaters, click here.

e. Tex-Mexagon?