If I needed any proof that staying sober just makes sense, my roommates provided it.

They left a note four pages wide — they very cleverly stapled the sheets together — that they labeled a “Responce to the article in the Collegian.”

The three of them signed it. There was even a mystery fourth roommate named Sal Guiterrez with a crossed-out name.

They left a postscript.

“Check my grammer and get back to me on that one, not!”

Why would I when I could check the content, or, for that matter, the spelling?

The way I figure it, whether or not they were actually drunk at the time, this is the kind of statement that really looks clever when you’re drunk, and only when you’re drunk.

I’ll take the moral high ground, and I pass the olive branch.

It’s too bad, then that their message to me was to “Keep Your Music Down!”

They wrote that in large letters that crossed three of those four stapled-together sheets. It continued, in smaller lettering, “And alarm clock!”

If only I didn’t need my alarm clock. If only I didn’t need to wake up for student teaching at o’-dark-hundred. If only my life wasn’t fruitlessly wasted, and if only I didn’t make my feeble attempt to contribute to society.

I relish the privilege that is waking up at 6 a.m. for my shower and breakfast routine.

Even better, this particular love letter was passed along with a copy of the relevant column from The Collegian.

To my roommates’ credit, it was defaced only in the literal sense — the mugshot was lovingly carved out of the page — but two authors were sure to scrawl out of sentence or two of writing in the margin.

“It’s your Disney ‘Pocahontas’ soundtrack that sucks balls,” said one.

Curious. I don’t remember the last time I really cranked up, “Mine, Mine, Mine” or “Colors of the Wind,” or even listened to any of it at all, but maybe that’s because the “Pocahontas” soundtrack really does suck balls.

An astute observation, friend. I concede this point. Perhaps the saddest part is that you recognized it through two walls and a door.

But that’s not all.

The following commenter said I was — for liking “Beauty and the Beast,” to boot — that I was a misspelled female anatomy.

I hope that was a metaphor.

Naturally, despite any invective these note writers might have thrown in my direction, they themselves made a concession on their four-sheet demand.

“But you have been keeping it done lately.”

Glad you noticed. I’ve been keeping it down for a good month or so before the first “Keep Your Music Down,” much less the second. There’s a lesson here, I think.

Moral: Anger’s relevance is fleeting. Especially when there’s no spell check.

Fear not, roommates. I accept your surrender.

****

In other news: I want to know which three voted for Stephen Colbert; social networking mergers degenerates into a pissing contest; and blind gender politics and nepotism favored at Wellesley.