Kill the noise
I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE. That’s why I live by myself, even though I’m in the dorms.
Trick is, I don’t exactly live by myself. There are three other guys who live in adjacent rooms. I share a bathroom with them, and leave them de facto living room privileges.
Despite the barest of crossover territory, there’s a bit of ongoing drama among all of us here in Aspen 219.
One of us likes his music.
The rest of us complain about it to each other.
Rather than actually approach the ghetto-blasting truant with our grievances, we’ve banged on walls and left a note.
What I find hilarious is that I’m that inconsiderate roommate.
I know exactly why they think it’s too loud. It’s not because it’s actually too loud.
Sure, sometimes my low-key Manhattan Transfer somehow segues to the ear-splittingly loud Back in Black — curse you, indiscriminating Party Shuffle — but the volume is usually very reasonable.
Two or three wall-bangings into the semester, I even turned my subwoofer down.
All the way.
At this point, I’m not actually too loud. It’s just that I leave my window and door open for ventilation.
My roommates, convinced I haven’t bothered to improve and in search of silence, shut the living room door in frustration rather than ask me to close said door or window.
I have a feeling that my infrequent overnight playlist habit is more amplified by their assuredly constant complaining than by any sound system I’ve ever owned.
I’m not worried about it — I leave them well enough alone otherwise. If they don’t make the attempt to talk to me, it’s obviously not that big of an issue.
I figure that the only kind of roommate issues that matter are those that culminate in some kind of conversation.
If I or some jerk like myself ever becomes your roommate, you’d be well-advised to keep that in mind.
I don’t even know them that well, myself.
If I know that one of my roommates is named Travis, it’s only because some R.A. garished up our names with construction paper and taped them to the front door.
I’ve said just about as many words to them as I have noise complaints. I’m at about seven for each.
I keep a tally.
Between the five times I’ve heard walls or doors banged on, the one surreptitious note left on my desk and the sole actual human interaction at the beginning of the semester, I’ve said “Hey” twice and a casual yet friendly “How’s it going?” once.
The note, though, was the funniest bit. I found it on my desk after I got out of the shower.
I had been listening to “Rubber Soul” straight through for the first time in a long while. I left my room — with the door open — and headed to the shower in anticipation of “Norwegian Wood.”
I hate that song.
The note, on the other hand, was nicely written and lacked stupid accompaniment, yet double-underlined in places I’d never have considered.
My kinder, more positive half wanted to praise the author’s marvelous printing, ignoring the grammatical errors.
That didn’t last long.
My other side, an anal-retentive grammar nazi, viciously strangled it.
“Keep Your Music Down,” the note said. In smaller lettering, it continued, “Thank you from all the other that live here.”
Even ignoring that individual people are a who and not a that, I’m really confused by the “all the other” phrase.
All the other what?
Gerbils?
Laptop computers?
Functional illiterates who forget plurals when Microsoft Word can’t fix it automatically?
Puzzling. I’m not sure how to react. Maybe the next note will tell me that, too.
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You’re such a douche.
You’re such a douche.
i agree with Travis. you are a douche. you don’t have opinions, you have tyrannical views. good luck with life, you’ll need it.
i agree with Travis. you are a douche. you don’t have opinions, you have tyrannical views. good luck with life, you’ll need it.
I love this web site!
Common courtesy doesn’t require discussion. You’re not the only one who lives there. They obviously don’t have an easy time talking to you, possibly because they hate your guts and habits. Maybe they’re anti-bandites too.
It seems kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy to annoy people into not talking to you, then complain that they don’t talk to you.
I love this web site!
Common courtesy doesn’t require discussion. You’re not the only one who lives there. They obviously don’t have an easy time talking to you, possibly because they hate your guts and habits. Maybe they’re anti-bandites too.
It seems kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy to annoy people into not talking to you, then complain that they don’t talk to you.
The Collegian Staff Comment
If they hate my guts because I’ve generally kept my music down for the latest half of the semester and they haven’t noticed, I’m not sure how I’m a douche on this one.
I’m not really complaining that they don’t talk to me, more observing that they don’t even care to try. Remember: I hate people.
The way it works when people complain about someone they don’t know: they demonize the person in question and attribute innumerable evils upon them out of ignorance.
I find this hilarious.
Anything else?
The Collegian Staff Comment
If they hate my guts because I’ve generally kept my music down for the latest half of the semester and they haven’t noticed, I’m not sure how I’m a douche on this one.
I’m not really complaining that they don’t talk to me, more observing that they don’t even care to try. Remember: I hate people.
The way it works when people complain about someone they don’t know: they demonize the person in question and attribute innumerable evils upon them out of ignorance.
I find this hilarious.
Anything else?
Benjamin,
You write, ” The way it works when people complain about someone they don’t know: they demonize the person in question and attribute innumerable evils upon them out of ignorance.”
Isn’t that what you did?
Benjamin,
You write, ” The way it works when people complain about someone they don’t know: they demonize the person in question and attribute innumerable evils upon them out of ignorance.”
Isn’t that what you did?
The Collegian Staff Comment
Yep, essentially.
I don’t attribute innumerable evils upon them, though. I quote literally what I hear from them, and when I speculate I make it clear I’m speculating.
Addendum to others: I don’t pretend to be a role model in this exaggerated context, either. I don’t pretend I’m infallible or right. I don’t avoid talking to anyone out of borderline disgust.
I already don’t talk to people.
The Collegian Staff Comment
Yep, essentially.
I don’t attribute innumerable evils upon them, though. I quote literally what I hear from them, and when I speculate I make it clear I’m speculating.
Addendum to others: I don’t pretend to be a role model in this exaggerated context, either. I don’t pretend I’m infallible or right. I don’t avoid talking to anyone out of borderline disgust.
I already don’t talk to people.
you talk to us…
either way, if you don’t like people, how do you stomach writing about people everyday? working a job that encourages social activity and such. its like working for the doghouse grill and being a vegan.
the truth is you don’t hate people. in fact, you show signs of dependence upon them (from the way you and i have so playfully bantered upon this web-structure). you crave the ability to whine and moan, and then when people say something that goes anywhere near the topic, you jump at the opportunity to show people that you have an opinion (no matter how jilted it is) which shows the signs of social want and desire.
how do you like them apples?
you talk to us…
either way, if you don’t like people, how do you stomach writing about people everyday? working a job that encourages social activity and such. its like working for the doghouse grill and being a vegan.
the truth is you don’t hate people. in fact, you show signs of dependence upon them (from the way you and i have so playfully bantered upon this web-structure). you crave the ability to whine and moan, and then when people say something that goes anywhere near the topic, you jump at the opportunity to show people that you have an opinion (no matter how jilted it is) which shows the signs of social want and desire.
how do you like them apples?
The Collegian Staff Comment
I’m more of a banana person. It has potassium.
I won’t pick apart your assumptions — what will people think about me then? — but the cores of your apples are generally correct.
I don’t really hate people. It’s just a pithy way of describing how I like my own isolated corner of the world without roommates. I do hate living with people, but I don’t hate people.
That’s why this column is called and has always been called Pastiche. The Pastiche columns that aren’t straight opinion pieces are generally anecdotal exaggerations, with or without a message, that contain relevant elements of the college experience.
The key for me has always been “exaggerated.”
You caught on to the jig of it, and it was never meant to be a jig for people to catch on to. I’m usually satisfied with the furious surface-level responses I get.
By exaggerating my own position, I see the fundamental flaws in my perspective and not just those in my opposition. Everyone learns.
Regard this as a rare break in rhetoric.
The Collegian Staff Comment
I’m more of a banana person. It has potassium.
I won’t pick apart your assumptions — what will people think about me then? — but the cores of your apples are generally correct.
I don’t really hate people. It’s just a pithy way of describing how I like my own isolated corner of the world without roommates. I do hate living with people, but I don’t hate people.
That’s why this column is called and has always been called Pastiche. The Pastiche columns that aren’t straight opinion pieces are generally anecdotal exaggerations, with or without a message, that contain relevant elements of the college experience.
The key for me has always been “exaggerated.”
You caught on to the jig of it, and it was never meant to be a jig for people to catch on to. I’m usually satisfied with the furious surface-level responses I get.
By exaggerating my own position, I see the fundamental flaws in my perspective and not just those in my opposition. Everyone learns.
Regard this as a rare break in rhetoric.
Well it’s good to know you’re not lame enough to seriously advertise that you listen to Back In Black and Mannheim Steamroller.
Well it’s good to know you’re not lame enough to seriously advertise that you listen to Back In Black and Mannheim Steamroller.
I am sick of your complaining, especially about the dorms. You choose to live there and have for some time. I have read your past articles about how you hate it so much and that’s okay if you’re a freshman, but you are a graduate, an adult and a future teacher. You simply must grow up. I understand bitching about roommates, but if you dislike your situation to this degree, I think that you should move some place and live truly by yourself. Perhaps somewhere in the woods, where you can stuff squirrels and have them be your attentive audience.
The only reason I read this terrible paper is to see the next stupid thing you say. You are a very angry person and are so opinionated that I have trouble seeing you succeed as a teacher. So do us a favor, put in you petition for cancellation to the dorms and feed your squirrels.
I am sick of your complaining, especially about the dorms. You choose to live there and have for some time. I have read your past articles about how you hate it so much and that’s okay if you’re a freshman, but you are a graduate, an adult and a future teacher. You simply must grow up. I understand bitching about roommates, but if you dislike your situation to this degree, I think that you should move some place and live truly by yourself. Perhaps somewhere in the woods, where you can stuff squirrels and have them be your attentive audience.
The only reason I read this terrible paper is to see the next stupid thing you say. You are a very angry person and are so opinionated that I have trouble seeing you succeed as a teacher. So do us a favor, put in you petition for cancellation to the dorms and feed your squirrels.
I have Benjamin in class, he sits right next to Cory and Shawn. Topanga is always telling me how annoying he is… he just doesn’t understand that Cory and Topanga are meant to be together.
I have Benjamin in class, he sits right next to Cory and Shawn. Topanga is always telling me how annoying he is… he just doesn’t understand that Cory and Topanga are meant to be together.
Collegian Day is a very dangerous day…Why? Because Ben Baxter’s column makes me wanna kill myself. Why do I read it? I don’t. I just see that it’s still appearing in the newspaper.
Collegian Day is a very dangerous day…Why? Because Ben Baxter’s column makes me wanna kill myself. Why do I read it? I don’t. I just see that it’s still appearing in the newspaper.
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
Manhattan Transfer, not Mannheim Steamroller. Sorry to disappoint.
Feed my squirrels? What the hell?
As far as Cory, Shawn, and Topanga, I have no bloody idea what you’re talking about. More importantly, feed my squirrels? What the hell?
Rocko, you’d be well-advised to wear some thicker glasses. You’d see that my column still does appear in the paper. If you’d rather commit suicide, I won’t stop you if you’re really set on it. Different strokes for different folks, y’know?
Feed my squirrels? What the hell?
My rationale for the one actual anti-dorm piece the entire semester: I don’t know anyone who doesn’t complain about the dorms. I know a whole lot of people. I guarantee you that there are a whole lot more people who disagree with you than agree with you.
People who do know me know I’m not actually a very angry person. That’s just what people who read the column think.
It serves me fine, because I know I’m not really as bad as y’all say I am. Heh.
Feed my squirrels? What the hell? Like, tuppence a bag?
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
Manhattan Transfer, not Mannheim Steamroller. Sorry to disappoint.
Feed my squirrels? What the hell?
As far as Cory, Shawn, and Topanga, I have no bloody idea what you’re talking about. More importantly, feed my squirrels? What the hell?
Rocko, you’d be well-advised to wear some thicker glasses. You’d see that my column still does appear in the paper. If you’d rather commit suicide, I won’t stop you if you’re really set on it. Different strokes for different folks, y’know?
Feed my squirrels? What the hell?
My rationale for the one actual anti-dorm piece the entire semester: I don’t know anyone who doesn’t complain about the dorms. I know a whole lot of people. I guarantee you that there are a whole lot more people who disagree with you than agree with you.
People who do know me know I’m not actually a very angry person. That’s just what people who read the column think.
It serves me fine, because I know I’m not really as bad as y’all say I am. Heh.
Feed my squirrels? What the hell? Like, tuppence a bag?
After Ben Baxter gets out of college, which will probably be in about 5 more years because he has no other future in anything other than the collegian, he will own squirrels. That is what was meant by that squirrel comment Ben.
Any other questions?
After Ben Baxter gets out of college, which will probably be in about 5 more years because he has no other future in anything other than the collegian, he will own squirrels. That is what was meant by that squirrel comment Ben.
Any other questions?
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
Except that I have a relatively promising future in shoving history and government down the throats of high school students, and except that I already graduated and am leaving Fresno State for a good few years come May, yes.
Two big excepts.
I don’t especially like squirrels. Who do I look like? Janitor from Scrubs?
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
Except that I have a relatively promising future in shoving history and government down the throats of high school students, and except that I already graduated and am leaving Fresno State for a good few years come May, yes.
Two big excepts.
I don’t especially like squirrels. Who do I look like? Janitor from Scrubs?
I have a question…
SQUIRREL STUFFING???
Okay… now that we all are venting our anger here out on poor lil opinionated Ben. I think i am gonna take a whack at pointing out flaws in the comment board.
1. First of all (hence being next to number 1) Why are we wasting our time criticizing what someone who has the enjoyment of criticizing other people? What’s wrong with having an opinion on your life? Okay… so i sound like i am contradicting myself. Now, Ben writes for his enjoyment. And like any artist who likes to share their masterpiece, Ben wishes to share his opinions with the world. Whats the sin in that?
2. Is there that evil dead dude from the chain letters standing behind you holding you at gunpoint forcing you to read articles out of the collegian? If not… then i guess your simple pathetic goal in life is to make yourself look good by degrading a person on something that you didn’t think of doing. Wow… gatta give respect to the people who have such an expansive dictionary because ‘Bitch’ is very professional.
3. (because there always has to be a 3rd point) This article was meant for enjoyment. Not to complain, or make his roommates look bad. I personally think that Ben’s goal with this article was to give an excerpt of his life in the dorms… even if they are seedier then the seediest rat traps (i would choose the traps too Ben…. i hear the cheese is delicious)
I guess what i am trying to say is…. GET A LIFE AND STUFF YOUR OWN SQUIRRELS!!!
I have a question…
SQUIRREL STUFFING???
Okay… now that we all are venting our anger here out on poor lil opinionated Ben. I think i am gonna take a whack at pointing out flaws in the comment board.
1. First of all (hence being next to number 1) Why are we wasting our time criticizing what someone who has the enjoyment of criticizing other people? What’s wrong with having an opinion on your life? Okay… so i sound like i am contradicting myself. Now, Ben writes for his enjoyment. And like any artist who likes to share their masterpiece, Ben wishes to share his opinions with the world. Whats the sin in that?
2. Is there that evil dead dude from the chain letters standing behind you holding you at gunpoint forcing you to read articles out of the collegian? If not… then i guess your simple pathetic goal in life is to make yourself look good by degrading a person on something that you didn’t think of doing. Wow… gatta give respect to the people who have such an expansive dictionary because ‘Bitch’ is very professional.
3. (because there always has to be a 3rd point) This article was meant for enjoyment. Not to complain, or make his roommates look bad. I personally think that Ben’s goal with this article was to give an excerpt of his life in the dorms… even if they are seedier then the seediest rat traps (i would choose the traps too Ben…. i hear the cheese is delicious)
I guess what i am trying to say is…. GET A LIFE AND STUFF YOUR OWN SQUIRRELS!!!
I think your “excepts” prove Negrodamus correct, Mr. Baxter…
I think your “excepts” prove Negrodamus correct, Mr. Baxter…
And yes…I am a black man.
And yes…I am a black man.
Just kidding. I actually love your columns, Ben. Keep on truckin’.
Just kidding. I actually love your columns, Ben. Keep on truckin’.
After reading this article, I believe you shouldn’t publish your complaints in the college paper. What the hell man, if you want to complain, grow up and say it to their faces. Also, you shouldn’t knit during class or at sporting events. Pay attention to what’s going on.
After reading this article, I believe you shouldn’t publish your complaints in the college paper. What the hell man, if you want to complain, grow up and say it to their faces. Also, you shouldn’t knit during class or at sporting events. Pay attention to what’s going on.
I actually had the chance to talk to one of your roommates. (it was actually your favorite buddy Travis). Actually I’ve talked to him numerous times this year. When I read your article and saw the name Travis posted, I knew it was him. It’s funny because he has explained to me that he actually has talked to you about this situation. Also, really, who gets up at around 6am and blasts music from their room so they can hear it in the shower? Oh, and the real Travis says that you are a douche bag and all your roommates hate you…with a passion. I also agree with Negrodamus…who is a black man.
I actually had the chance to talk to one of your roommates. (it was actually your favorite buddy Travis). Actually I’ve talked to him numerous times this year. When I read your article and saw the name Travis posted, I knew it was him. It’s funny because he has explained to me that he actually has talked to you about this situation. Also, really, who gets up at around 6am and blasts music from their room so they can hear it in the shower? Oh, and the real Travis says that you are a douche bag and all your roommates hate you…with a passion. I also agree with Negrodamus…who is a black man.
I love you Ben, will you marry me?
I love you Ben, will you marry me?
This guy will make a perfect teacher. Who would listen to him or take him seriously other than students who are forced to?
All this “Pastiche” and “exaggerated” stuff, even if it is true, gives him an excuse to back down (notice how he has to explain himself in comments every time he writes a column) from something when he realizes his opinion is unreasonable.
No one forces us to read the collegian, but many of us enjoy reading things that bother us.
Some call it Irritainment.
Newspapers have kept up readership for years by employing columnists who piss people off.
He’s open for public scrutiny and we don’t have to feel bad for being mean in response to his stuff.
Ben may write for his enjoyment, but this is the student newspaper, not the Baxter Gazette. He’s just a loudmouth with a podium and should question his purpose as a columnist.
This guy will make a perfect teacher. Who would listen to him or take him seriously other than students who are forced to?
All this “Pastiche” and “exaggerated” stuff, even if it is true, gives him an excuse to back down (notice how he has to explain himself in comments every time he writes a column) from something when he realizes his opinion is unreasonable.
No one forces us to read the collegian, but many of us enjoy reading things that bother us.
Some call it Irritainment.
Newspapers have kept up readership for years by employing columnists who piss people off.
He’s open for public scrutiny and we don’t have to feel bad for being mean in response to his stuff.
Ben may write for his enjoyment, but this is the student newspaper, not the Baxter Gazette. He’s just a loudmouth with a podium and should question his purpose as a columnist.
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
My purpose as a columnist only rarely strays into “Irritainment.”
I thought the one on multiculturalism went over pretty well, as did the one about relationship advice.
What I wrote about about the purpose of Bulldog football did well, I thought, even if it was published as part of the weeklong football discussion. Blog posts here and here.
Exactly two have stirred the pot, and neither this one nor the other one were without substance. This is the fourth semester of this column, and probably the second semester with at least halfway-decent writing.
Oh, college papers.
I would write self-reflection more often for the benefit of y’all, but I usually try to avoid sounding like a pompous, arrogant jerk.
Usually.
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
My purpose as a columnist only rarely strays into “Irritainment.”
I thought the one on multiculturalism went over pretty well, as did the one about relationship advice.
What I wrote about about the purpose of Bulldog football did well, I thought, even if it was published as part of the weeklong football discussion. Blog posts here and here.
Exactly two have stirred the pot, and neither this one nor the other one were without substance. This is the fourth semester of this column, and probably the second semester with at least halfway-decent writing.
Oh, college papers.
I would write self-reflection more often for the benefit of y’all, but I usually try to avoid sounding like a pompous, arrogant jerk.
Usually.
Irritainment for me and irritainment for you are obviously two different things!
And keep trying!
Irritainment for me and irritainment for you are obviously two different things!
And keep trying!